12/4 made 11 years since my first date with Christian. We were living on opposite coasts both trying to eek out a living in the airlines. We spent this crazy fun weekend together eating sushi and running around LA together. Most of the weekend is a distant memory BUT at the time I kept a hand written journal. I wrote nearly every day during that time and I like to look back at it during this time of year.
I flew back and forth weekly to see him in California for nearly two months and that time in our lives was very different from the life we have now together. There have been many versions of our togetherness that led to right now. So many things have changed but there are some things that are constant. This journal is a reminder
December 22, 2005:
When I am with Christian, I feel beautiful and brilliant. He treats me delicately… takes care of me. I feel protected. Cherished. … I could love him.
I thought I could love him. I do, so very much. He and I have had to grow and mature and we still work so hard to build this love we share. He has been my protector and rock for 11 years. He still makes me feel beautiful and brilliant on a daily basis, like last week when he told me how proud he was of Ujamaa Maker’s Market.
When Palmer was born and had to go to the NICU there was this nurse who was just mean. Most of the time I can handle myself but at that time I was broken and exhausted and My hubby, who was also struggling got her together on my behalf in such a way that I will always be grateful.
Last year and since losing Pat, there are times when I need to be handled delicately through my grief. He recognizes it and honors it. These eleven years have been magical and full of lessons. We have had beautiful and ugly times. Yesterday someone asked me what is the biggest lesson marriage has taught me and I think in my own life it is gratitude.
I am grateful for this French stranger. I am so grateful he continues to show up and work hard towards our mutual happiness. I am grateful for each day we have been able to wake up to each other either by phone, email (there was no texting 11 years ago) or in person.
I love you Carboni!